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TOUGH LOVE.

Tough love. Why does it have to be so damn hard?

It plays out pretty much everywhere in our lives if we are tough enough to handle it. Maybe it is with your kids, in-laws, friends, frenemies. Some days I am in for the battle, some days I'm not. Some days I fold like a deck of cards. It's like I know exactly what I need to do, but I just don't have the energy or the chutzpah to even begin to do it.
I honestly cannot stand homework time. My kids can be the biggest pansies ever when it comes to this area of life...mainly because I have created it. And I can be the biggest bear you've ever seen. Talk about some gnarly gnashing of teeth. I finally figured out that THEY have to do this on their own! Revolutionary, I know. They're always wanting me to help them every five seconds. (Because I have!!!) Right, I have exchanged tough love for just being slightly pissed at them every day at homework time..for my own lack of direction. I know, well done. I finally decided I would no longer be their homework fairy. (Be gentle with me. I'm still learning.) New rules: Sit down for this rare quiet moment in this house and do the very best they can- finish it completely and ONLY then I will look at it. No more drama. The homework table has been a stressful situation for us.
How about stuff that really matters? Here's one that's coming up in on a daily basis in our house lately. (I'm sure you have your own stuff to fill in this blank.) Questions about birth mom's. Let's talk about them... A lot. And guess what, I don't have the answers. I sure wish I did. It's miserable, even agonizing. I wan to fix this heart ache so so badly for them. But I never will be able to do that. My kids are still so young so they haven't even touched on the truths of their start in life. Tough love plays a heavy role here. Old-school would tell me to stuff it, let's not talk about it. Talk about it as little as possible. But will that help them in the future, hell no it won't. We need to talk about it. As much as they want. Even ALL the time sometimes. It's painful. They don't even realize it's painful but their little brains are beginning to wrap around some of these realities. Tough love says we tell the truth. In a way that is caring, always uncomfortable, and as loving as possible but real. Honestly, it sucks. It's no fun.
But, in the end, if we don't give them the tough love they need what kind of adults will they be? When they're grown they can't have mama fix things for them. They can't have life served up in a sugarcoat or dad fix every little problem they have. It's just not real. Our kids are so much tougher than we give them credit for. They can actually handle a lot of crap. It's miserable at times to watch, but it makes them stronger. Why do we protect them so much to the point that they have no clue what real life will be like? I'm guilty too. But we have to stop. We are raising our country's future leaders or at minimum consumers. Not mini me's or mini you's. These are the people that will lead our country when we're old and gray and wobbly. Let's empower them to hit the real world running.
Let's arm them with a ridiculous load of compassion. Future world changers. Let's band together and grow our kids to be justice seekers. To know what's happening out in the world instead of what's happening on TV.
So today, when you're dealing with tough love in your own chaos of life, try to remember this. It's all for a much greater purpose. In the moment when you just want to throw your hands in the air, remember this is all for a bigger plan. In the moment, it gets so frustrating and in day to day life it gets monotonous. But we keep our eye on the prize. The tough love we serve up now makes for a better future. Imagine our kids growing up to be fiercely strong women and men. Confident in exactly how God made them. Future grown ups who only know life lived authentically, true to them selves. I think I just motivated myself. 
Big Love,
Chantelle
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#truthwillsetyoufree
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