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I Could Never Do That Because It Would Be Too Hard.

Well, I spent part of the morning at Children's Division today. It was so bitter sweet. Monday we will have a huge celebration but it will also be scattered moments of sadness. Our little Teensy is officially becoming a Becking. It blows my mind to think this day is here. But there's always a mix in the happiness with heartache. As our family gains another Becking officially, there is a sadness and knowing that it is a loss from another angle.
Y'all this sounds crazy, but I left Children's Division this morning and just let loose on the waterworks. Can you say EMOTIONAL out of nowhere? So we are official with five kids. Which means we are a maximum capacity family as foster parents. Please hear me, I have zero intention of having anymore kids! But that's what I've said over and over. And God still seemed to bring them our way. Now, 5 is actually the max you can have in your family as foster parents without being re-licensed as a large care family. So, it looks as if a chapter is closing in our lives. That sentence was not nearly heavy enough to cover the weight of how I am feeling.We will always be huge supporters of fostering. It's how we Beckings became Party of 7. Wow. Seven. Yep, all seven of us. (I know I said seven a lot. But it just seemed right in my mind) God brought us together in such a crazy and unbelievable way. Adoption first. From the ends of the earth. Then fostering showed up at our door....A door I did not want to open at first.
Maybe it's a child that lives a mile from you, 3 miles from you, 10 miles from you. Right here in your community. It kind of blows your mind. Then sometimes it's a child God brings from Ethiopia to Cape Girardeau Missouri.
So much change is happening in our lives. It's always good have change. Don't get me wrong. But this is a biggie. Foster care rocked my world- in a way I could never quite get down accurately on paper. Initially it took me to my knees. Made me feel completely out of control. Helpless really. Like I had no say in anything. Which honestly, I kind of needed for a while. My ego needed it.Then slowly, the advocate and justice seeker in me began to rise back up.
We served as an emergency care placement family for a while. This would just be fill in situations where maybe a child was taken into custody during the night and there was really no immediate place for them to go. What an eye-opener. Just never having any clue who's little eyes would be looking up at you. Scared. And sometimes from pretty bad circumstances.
As I've told you before, we have spent evenings in the ER with kids we barely knew their name. I remember going to the hospital to pick up babies and really had no idea what I was walking into.
If you feel led to make a massive difference in the world, fostering is a hell of a start. To make a massive change in the world, it typically starts within our own selves. It's even less about others.
Let me share a thought with you. My journey with foster care has been the most wonderful heartbreaking story of my life. So for any of you out there who feel like you could never do it because it would just be too hard- You would fall in love with the kid too much. That's the whole goal friend. My hope is that we will all fall in love with the kid. It's what they need. What they deserve. Whether your heartbreaks into a thousand pieces or you get your version of a happy ending.
I say this lovingly, so please receive it as it is intended. The next time you think about telling a foster parent those fateful words,
"Oh I could never be a foster parent. It would just be too hard. I would fall in love with them. I could not stand to see them taken away from me." 
-Please rethink that. Because we certainly fall in love with them. And yes it is too hard. But we do it anyway. In the end, it's actually not about us but them. You know, the way it is in life. If you're a parent, a daughter, a sister, a wife. It's never supposed to be about us anyway.
I have mastered this about 0%, but I'm learning every day.
So cheerio friends to a fantastic Halloween weekend. I hope you do something super fun with the people you love. Suck every bit of life out of this weekend. Take it for everything it's worth. Don't let anything rob you from your bliss!
Big Love,